People often ask me "What makes someone successful in living in a new country"? and "Where do most people get stuck"?
The good news is that REAL success comes from something that we all have access to. What I have found to be the best predictor of a person's success in adjusting to living in a new country is their level of willingness. It's lack of willingness that will put us in a jam!
Take a few moments and ask yourself the following questions:
1. How willing am I to learn new things? ============================= The more we know, the more prepared and comfortable we will feel, and people will welcome our interest! Be more curious about the country, its people, customs, daily life, politics, social structure, family values, their attitude towards foreigners etc. Learn the language too! Even when some people understand English, we won’t build relationships with the locals without them feeling comfortable with us – so learn their language. If we aren’t willing to learn new things then we will get stuck!
2. How willing am I to respect the difference in others? ========================================= Remember that just because it’s different doesn’t mean it’s bad! The natural tendency to attach a “good” or “bad” judgment to what we observe or experience can be a major block to understanding a new culture. Most people behave rationally – it’s just the context that is different! If we aren’t willing to keep an open mind then we will get stuck!
3. How willing am I to try a new way of doing things? ====================================== Being willing to accept change and adapt is needed if we are going to be successful. This can be the hardest part. If we think others have to change their ways to become like us, then we are setting ourselves up for failure! We are going to have to learn new skills, try out new ideas, and practice new behaviors. Our safe zone, that place where we feel comfortable and secure, will need to expand to include these new ways of being. If we aren’t willing to try new things, then we will be stuck!
4. How willing am I to ask for help?========================== Finding people to support us through change and transition is essential. Set aside that self reliance or stiff upper lip! Look for other expatriates and people who have had a positive experience. Consider hiring an experienced coach to give yourself a jump start to your new life! If we aren’t willing to ask for help then we will get stuck!
5. How willing am I to overcome my own resistance? ====================================== When we are faced with change, our whole being can resist it! We will hear voices telling us how hard this is and that we are not strong enough for the challenge. Our muscles will get tense, our stress level will rise, and there will be a very strong urge to give up. It is at this point, when we begin to feel resistance and fear, that it can be easy to lose touch with our willingness. When this happens, we need to focus on reconnecting with the part of us that originally wanted make the change - the part that is excited about learning new things, facing new challenges, and thriving in a new place! If we aren’t willing to overcome our own resistance we will get stuck!
6. How willing am I to forgive? ===================== Be forgiving of yourself and other people. Accept the fact that you and others are going to make mistakes as you learn. If we aren’t willing to forgive ourselves and our mistakes we will get stuck!
7. How willing am I to trust in the process of transition? ========================================= There are parts of the process over which we will have little or no control, and most of us get impatient to get through it NOW. This can be extremely painful. Yet, it is only by allowing the process to unfold naturally that we will be able to work towards what we want for ourselves. We need to let go of our desire for speed and control and be willing to trust the process. If we aren’t willing to trust in the adjustment process, then we will get stuck!
8. How willing am I to believe that I CAN be successful? ========================================= The last and most important factor in achieving what we want is our willingness to believe in our ability to succeed. Although this may sound obvious, there are many places along the way where we can be tempted to throw in the towel. The light at the end of the tunnel is not always visible and it can be tempting to let our frustration, fear and doubt take over, leading us to think maybe we don't have what it takes. If we aren’t willing to believe that we WILL succeed then we will get stuck!
The journey of adjusting to living abroad is not without its obstacles, but it is also a journey that is full of rewards. The key to getting unstuck and reaping the rewards from our overseas experience is to access our willingness.
cheers,
Val
Remember to take some time out to see how far you have come and where you are heading!
